“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” Annie Dillard
We spend most of our lives moving through landscapes we didn’t entirely choose, driven by forces outside ourselves. For most of us the landscape keeps changing, but we rarely stop to notice. Who has the time?
We are reactive, making decisions, taking actions, leaning into or away from the circumstances that surround us. We embrace or reject the people in our lives; we struggle with our responsibilities, our commitments. Perhaps we marry, raise children, take out mortgages, meet deadlines. There is always somewhere to go and something to accomplish. Careers, and the people in our orbit, demand our attention.
During those years, our lives can feel as though they belong partly to other people—and often they do. In this way, we move through our adulthood.
Then, one day, either by our choice or a decision made by others, we retire and nothing is ever the same. The external forces that shaped our earlier lives recede. There may still be responsibilities of course, but, increasingly, we are confronted with a question we haven’t had much time to consider:
Now what?
Our landscape changes, radically. A new concept takes center stage – intentionality. If our decisions and actions are no longer driven by what I have to do, our days must now be drive by what I want to do. Instead of asking only, “what does life require of me?” we can ask, we must ask, “what matters to me now? Who do I want to spend time with? What still makes me curious?
What have I always wanted to do? What relationships deserve more attention? What can I let go of”?
These aren’t selfish questions. After retirement, and as we pass into our senior years, they are among the most important questions we can ask ourselves. Our altered landscape may be smaller than it once was, but it presents us with the opportunity – the responsibility – to shape it ourselves. Friendships become more important. We can indulge our curiosity. We can savor the simple pleasures that were easy to overlook when our days were filled with obligations.
This new life of ours contains many unfamiliar variables. We become more aware of vulnerability. Of limitations. As our bodies remind us that they are aging, we need new habits that will sustain our good health. We must nurture acceptance and practice adaptability. We may find ourselves thinking about mortality in ways we didn’t when we were 40. We need to answer questions we had not considered before. We have the opportunity to turn experience into wisdom.
As we travel along the post-retirement path, we move from a life largely dictated by necessity to one increasingly guided by choice. Acknowledge and accept the challenges.
Welcome the opportunities. You are still here. Be grateful for all that lies ahead.
Marvin Weinbaum is a senior life coach and columnist. He writes about aging with purpose, dignity, curiosity and resilience, translating insight into practical guidance for everyday life. Feel free to send your questions to [email protected]
